When I finished the first draft of Anti-Sell (my book), I hired my friend and fellow Welsh ICE member Jane Oriel to be its editor. As part of that process, she gave me some advice that was not only crucial for the book, but that I’ve since continued to apply more broadly as well:
“Don’t be bitter and don’t be smug.”
Toning it down
For those who have read the book, you might remember a chapter where I tell the story of an experience where I was humiliated in front of a large group of people, but still managed to get a good client out of it given the way that I handled it. In the book’s first draft, I wrote much more bitterly about the experience – which Jane recommended I tone down, which I think was a good move in the end. I’d also talked a bit negatively about one of my former employers in Chapter 1 (in which I cover my background pre-freelancing), which Jane also suggested I change – in that instance I think we removed that bit altogether.
Additionally, while I can’t remember at which point it appeared in the book, there was a moment where I bigged myself up perhaps a bit too much. That got toned down as well, which I think was also a wise move.
Jane’s reasoning was that writing too bitterly or too smugly wasn’t necessary – in the instances where I was talking about an awful experience or a great success, respectively, I didn’t need to lay it on too thick. But by going too much with either one (or both), I risked coming across as nasty or big-headed. And that could detract from the personable and friendly tone of my writing style.
She was right as well. The book’s gone on to win multiple book awards and it’s gotten lots of 5-star reviews on Amazon, which makes me incredibly proud. But if I’d written too bitterly or too smugly at points throughout it, it might’ve soured people’s perspective of me as the author. Some of those 5-star reviews might’ve been downgraded to 4-stars instead, or a book award judge might’ve judged it more sternly and unforgivingly…
Beyond the book
Jane’s advice has stuck with me in everything else that I do: especially the way that I promote myself and behave online – and particularly when it comes to the bitterness side of things…
I used to subtweet quite a lot, but an incident in my personal life (about a year before I received Jane’s advice) – whereby I subtweeted something about someone, they found out, and got upset with me* – has since led me to try and stop doing that altogether.
I see people subtweet** now (it’s like I’m more aware of other people doing it, now that I’ve stopped doing it myself) and I think to myself: “why?!” It comes across as nasty, and it could backfire if the person you’re talking about sees it. Is it worth souring relationships and acting negatively just to be able to make a comment about someone/something?
* That’s a whole other story for a whole other blog post. One day I’ll type it up…
** And yes, I’m painfully aware that I’ve just essentially subtweeted about people who subtweet… 😅
A happy discovery
And in what is probably the most obvious realisation of all time, the important thing I’ve realised is that by being less bitter, I’m happier. If you only ever tweet positive stuff (or – to put it more accurately – if you make an effort to only ever tweet positive stuff), you’ll be happier for it. I’ve felt happier the last few years than I did in earlier years when I used to subtweet.
In fact, in my earlier days on Twitter, I used to moan and complain a lot too. At the time, a friend of mine told me that she had to mute/unfollow me because I did it so often that I did her head in(!) – that was a heck of a realisation too…
So… Given my own experiences, my advice is this: think about what you tweet, blog about, post on other social media channels, etc. If you can help it, then don’t be bitter and don’t be smug. You’ll be happier for it.
